Over the past several weeks I have been struggling with writing. I feel as if I have so much to say but I do not have the words. I have started this same blog post at least 6 times and has yet to publish anything. Writing is my form of expressing myself yet I am struggling. Because of this, holding things inside have been what I have been doing. I can't even find the words to say in my personal journal. Not only am I struggling with my writing but my prayer life has also been a struggle over the past month. I know it sounds weird...but I have struggled with the words to pray. It just does not make sense to me. I have never had a problem with writing or praying.
As I sit here listening to pandora radio, a song called Outside of Me by Mikeschair came on. The song lyrics immediately became my prayer.
Give me something meaningful to say
Give me something wonderful to give
Give me something beautiful to sing, yeah
Give me something, something outside of me
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is something outside of me
Give me something meaningful to want
Give me something wonderful to love
Give me something beautiful to see
And give me something, something outside of me
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is something outside of me
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is something outside of me
'Cuz your words give life when my own won't fly
You offer love when my own runs dry
You open blinded eyes
To behold what I can't describe
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is something outside of me
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is something outside of me
Give me something meaningful to say ...
These lyrics are so beautiful and seemed so appropriate with how I am feeling. I have been dealing with some anger, frustration, disappointment, self-confidence, and sadness over the past several weeks. These emotions have clouded my relationship with God. I have let them get to me meaning I have let them get between me and God. I have not been dealing with these emotions properly and have let them tear me down mentally and physically. In some previous blog post, I have mentioned how I love to have control and that is one thing I struggle with in my walk with God. Giving Him ALL control. I often forget Proverbs 3:5-6. (Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways, submit to him and he will make your path straight.)
I have put that wedge between God and I with letting the emotions get the best of me. All I need is Him. It is that simple yet it can be so hard sometimes. God tells us He will NEVER leave nor forsake us. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing that God will always be there even if we sometimes forget that He is all we need.
Just as I am about to post this, "All I Need is You Lord" by Hillsong came on my pandora. You think God is trying to give me a hint?? :)
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