I hear and read these words often:
- God has a plan for you.
- Remember, it's on God's time...not your time.
- Never worry or have anxiety...hand all your worries over to God.
- Put your faith in God, He will always show you the way.
- You're just going through a tough season of your life right now. There is purpose in it.
- God has that special person out there for you...don't worry. Besides you're young and have plenty of time!
I could go on with more of these typical christian sayings. I am guilty of saying them myself to friends who may be struggling. While I do believe that these sayings are true I also believe that sometimes they are the last things I want to hear. Over the past couple of years, I have struggled deeply with happiness. Happiness has just been absent from my life. I am not saying that I have not had happy and joyous times over the past couple of years because I have.
I am saying this...
Most mornings I wake up, role over and think to myself..."am I going to make it through this day? God, I just need motivation to get out of this bed. Please help me just get through another day so I can come back home climb back into my bed and sometimes forget this day existed." When I have this thought some mornings, I do know that the only thing that is going to get me through the day is God's faithfulness, love and healing.
If this sounds familiar to you, you would probably diagnose this as depression. While I have never been clinically diagnosed with depression, I do know that this is been my deepest struggle over the past couple of years. When at the end of the day your are exhausted from over exerting yourself mentally just because you are trying your best to stay positive throughout the day. When being happy feels more like a chore than a natural feeling. When you feel like you have absolutely no control of your feelings. When you feel as if no one understands you. When you feel like collapsing on your bed and wishing the day to be over and crying out to God for tomorrow to be better. I know that most everyone feels like this in their lifetime. Some people have more of extreme feelings than others.
For someone who has been in that place more times than not over the past couple of years, the last thing we want to hear is those "typical christian phrases" that people say when they see their friend struggling with depression/anxiety. It almost feels as if we are not allowed these feelings or that we are less of a christian because of these feelings.
There are many verses, stories in the bible that touches on this topic.
Matthew comes to mind the most to me:
Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
While these verses do bring me comfort, it does not take away my struggle. I recognize that I have a problem with depression/anxiety just as an recovering alcoholic recognizes that he is an alcoholic. The difference is, an alcoholic can completely remove alcohol from his life. He does not have to go to bars, He does not have alcohol in his home, surround himself by people who do not drink. Therefore, he is able to control his "struggle." Someone who struggles with depression/anxiety has no way of removing life from their life. You can not remove your feelings. People can not control how they react to life. (Some people may argue that point or have a different opinion. I am okay with that. If you know me personally, let's sit down and have a cup of coffee over this subject. :)
I have struggled with thinking that I am less of a christian or I must not trust God because of what has been drilled into my head...basically being told that if you are a christian, you should never worry, be sad, have anxiety. You should know to hand it over to God.
Rick Warren who is a very well known pastor in California lost his son this past year to mental illness. Mental illness is what killed him...not suicide. His son struggled his whole life with mental illness. Rick Warren and his family have become the voice for mental illness in the church. To me, it has not been talked about in the church near enough. I know I have tried covering up my struggles because for me, I felt as if I had no right to be feeling the way I do because I am a christian. Christians aren't supposed to struggle with mental illness.
People who struggle with this do not need to feel as if they are wrong or unworthy. They do not need to feel like because of this life struggle God is shaking His head in shame at them. Instead, they need to feel God's love. They need to feel God's understanding. They need to know that even Jesus when on this earth struggled with human emotions. From happiness to devastation. He laughed, he cried. He became angry and He Himself even questioned God. They need a shoulder to cry on, ears that will listen, love that covers them and understanding that comforts them.
