The Invisible Child

I often wonder if you see me. Do you know who I am?
I am the one who wonders if anyone loves me.
I go to sleep every night dreaming of you.

Dreaming of what it would be like to love you.
Dreaming of what it feels like to be loved.
Dreaming of what it would be like to know you.

I am starving for your attention.
Do you know how hard it is to be invisible to you?
Am I not good enough to be loved?

We are created to love and to be loved.
Do I not deserve to be loved by you?
I feel an emtyness that I can't seem to fill.

Filling this emtyness means I need your love.
You are called to love me. You are called to help me.
But you still look right through me as if I am invisable.

Is it to hard for you to except that I am out there?
It seems to be easier for you to ignore me.
You seem to be protecting your heart from showing compassion.

How can you know about me but feel as though you are helpless.
Your love should be so overpowering that even I should feel it.
It doesn't matter how far you are, I should feel your love.

I just need you to do what you are called to do.
You are supposed to be a Father to the fatherless. (Psalms 68:5)
By you I should find mercy. (Hebrews 14:3)

You are called to defend me. (Isaiah 1:17)
You are called to speak up for me. (Proverbs 31:8)
You are called to care for me. (James 1:27)

Being loved by you will truly show me what love should feel like.
I need you. I need your love. I need your compassion.
You are my only hope to know what it feels like to be loved.

Be what you were called to be to me.
Don't keep me in the back of your mind as if I am invisible anymore.
I need to feel your love. I don't want to be invisible anymore.

We Serve a Perfect God!

There have been several different times my sister would say, "Hannah, your blogs lately have been quite depressing." She was not saying that in a mean way. She gives me nothing but compliments on my writing (but does make sure to point out the grammatical and spelling errrors! I blame spell check for that! I am trying to get better though!) She simply is telling me this out of concern. One thing about both of us is that we act on our feelings, we dramatize everything, we are both very passionate, and when we are concerned about someone...we are going to let them know. I wasn't shocked hearing her say that. My blog post this past year have been very heavy reads. I write to release my feelings. That is the only way I know how to deal with my feelings. I've never been good at verbalizing them. My family and close friends will tell you, if I need to talk about something very serious, I will normally write a letter or email first. I have learned that writing is my biggest therapeutic form of expressing myself. So when Janet said, "your blogs have been quite depressing" I was not surprised one bit. I have said several times this has been the most difficult year of my life and my writings have reflected that.

And so you are probably wondering, why do you feel the need to post your writings on the internet for anyone to read? Well when I first started this blog, my very first blog post and in the about me section, I said "I am using this blog as an on-going testimony." This journey of life is not always an easy rode to travel, but I have the most amazing and faithful God to walk on this rode with me. I hope that I have been able to express my trials in life as well as how I am getting through these trials by being a follower of Jesus Christ.

I am not one to tell you that being a Christian is all roses. If anyone who claims to be a christian says that it is, they are not giving you the whole truth. But being a Christ-follower is the best decision that anyone could ever make. God will be faithful to you during your troubled times, your confused times, your hurt times, your sad times, your happy times, you excited times, and your lost times.

As a Christian you realize that your identity is in Christ alone. I am not perfect but I am loved by a perfect God; I do not have the perfect story but it is written by a perfect Author; I do not have the perfect family but I have a perfect Father; I do not have the perfect record but I have the perfect Judge; I don't have the perfect life but I know one day it will be perfect. To get through this journey of life make sure you are in the arms of your perfect Creator. He will not only walk with you but He promises to carry you when you need Him most.