The spark is back! Hello Ethiopia!

Once again, I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop, The Midnight Rooster enjoying my delicious Frappes, diving into the word, and writing. My mom came by to visit me a little while and I joked with her, "don't you know ALL christians seek out an adorable coffee shop to have their quiet time?" You most certainly are not a christian if you don't." Of course I was joking. But everyone knows that it is very typical for you to go into a coffee shop and you will find someone reading their bible or a group of people having a bibble study. I simply love the atmosphere of a coffee shop and I am assuming most other people do. That is why it is such a hot spot for many Christians. I can't tell you how many wonderful Godly conversations, quiet time, or writing I have experienced in a coffee shop. Not to mention, if I stay here all day, I am able to enjoy my yummy frappe and later enjoy a glass of their wonderful Chardnay. You can never go wrong with Coffee and wine!

This week I have spent more time at the Midnight Rooster. Aside from trying to be the social light of the placee (because if you know me, I will talk to anyone who will listen) I have been preparing for my trip spiritually and emotionally. Just this morning as I was emailing back and forth one of my dear friends, Beverly, she asked me if I was ready for Ethiopia. As I read the question so many things ran through my head. Beverly knows almost everything about me (probably to much, haha) so I had to tell her the truth. I wanted to reply with, "YES! I am more than ready for the mission trip!" I am so excited to see what God has in store for me!" unfortunately I was not able to answer with that. Honestly, I have not been preparing for the trip like I should have been. There are five lessons that the organization that I am going with (All God's Children International) wants us to complete before we go. To be honest, I have not started looking over these lessons until this week. I simply replied to Beverly saying, "I don't feel worthy enough to go." I wanted to go on and say, "I am not good enough to go. My life has been so messed up, that there is no way that God is going to be able to use me." I did not say that to her though. Of course when I first applied to go on this trip, these were not the feelings I had. I was so excited, I knew that is where God was leading me and I could not wait to get there and see those precious kids that I will be able to work with. Beverly responded back to my email with this, "Well I am proud of you for seeking the Lord spiritually! I know it will be an incredible trip and feeling unworthy is exactly how you should feel- Humility is key! God will use you, my friend!" That is exactly what I needed to hear. Beverly knows everything about me. She knows my flaws, she knows what I have been through yet she still says, "God will use you." I know I brag about my friends a lot, but it's only because God has put some amazing people in my life who except me for who I am, who hold me accountable, who loves me regardless of what I have done.

After going back through the first lesson I am supposed to complete before going on the trip, Paul came to mind. I have been feeling like I have messed up way to much to be used by God in any way. But when I go back to the scripture, God doesn't care who He uses and He completely ignores their sin record. Paul went from persecuting the Church to God calling him to go out and preach the gospel. In Galatians, Paul says "Obviously, I'm not trying to be a people pleaser! No, I am trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ's servant." Wow, thank you Paul for pointing out my biggest flaw. I am a people pleaser. I go out of my way to please someone without thinking twice if this will be pleasing to God. I have no one to answer to on this earth, I ultimately answer to God. That is hard for me to remember and also very dangerous. But just as he used Paul, I know that God will use me. I think my story and my testimony will be used in so many ways throughout my life. This year has been the most difficult time for me that I have ever encountered in my life. I know that this is the devil trying to get to me, but it's not going to happen. God has been there for me through this whole year even when I was hiding from Him. He uses constant reminders throughout the day to let me know tahat He loves me and He will protect me from what the devil was trying to do in my life. He has lit that sparkk again in my heart for Ethiopia. 2 weeks ago, if I had the opportunity, I would have backed out of the trip. But God knows what He is doing. I am so excited to see how God will use our group in Ethiopia! I am more than ready now! Thank God the spark is back! :)

Please Let Go of the Rope, World

World, I am addressing you. You are my problem.
I am yelling out to you World, but you won't listen.
Why don't you understand?
How can I make it any clearer?

You hear my cry, you see my pain.
I am crying out to you, World.
I am begging you to get it.
I am begging you to understand.

World, you are crumbling down on me.
I am being buried alive from your lies and your deceit.
What have I done to deserve this?
Is it me who doesn't understand?

World, I see your hurt. I understand your pain.
Why don't you see mine?
Why don't you show me compassion?
The more I beg you to understand me, the more you crumble, World.

World, why do I depend so much on you?
What have you done for me?
All you do is cause me pain.
All you do is cause me hurt.

You are deceitful yet I still run to you for comfort.
World, I think it's time I leave you for someone who cares.
I am tired of being hurt. I want to get rid of my pain.
You don't care about me. You never will.

There is someone much greater than this World.
Someone who has never ending love towards me.
He cares for me. He hears my cry. He understands my pain.
World, you are nothing compared to Him.

He saved me from you, from your wicked ways.
He sees my flaws and still He calls me His.
You on the other hand, World, have rejected me.
You wanted me to fail. You thrived off of seeing my flaws.

But He takes me flaws for me. He takes my pain and provides comfort.
Why did I ever depend on you, World?
I knew about Him yet I still wanted you to understand me.
Why are you so tempting? Why are you so attractive?

World, while you were causing me pain, He was crying for me.
While you were causing me hurt, He was comforting me.
While you were tempting me, He was praying for me.
Why did I ever trust you, World? I knew better, yet I still trusted only in you.

The whole time I was crying out to you, He was pulling me closer.
My soul has been playing tug-a-war.
You vs. Him. World, I know you have a strong hold on me.
But I must tell you World, I am slipping from your hold.

The closer I get to you, the tighter His grip gets.
He made me a promise to never let go.
Long ago, I made a promise to follow Him.
You might as well give up, world.

I am done looking to you for comfort. You can not fill that void for me.
This life I am living is not for you, World.
He is the one I live for. He is the love of my life.
I live this life for Him, my Savior.

Let the rope go. You will not win.
I gave Him my heart long ago.
My soul belongs to Him. Give up, World.
This war has already been won.

Just please let the rope go.